Today I flipped out, because I couldn't bear to watch my agreement partner energetically woe another woman. We had a picnic together and he was busy with her all the time, and I felt awesomely betrayed, because he hadn't even asked me how I was doing. He saw that I had problems with what he's doing, therefore he was probably afraid to even approach me.
At the picnic all I could do was stare at the fire and do self forgiveness in my head and breathe and bring myself back here all the time, but in that I was also suppressing a world of self-judgement, which I have yet to fully write out.
The girl went home with us, slept over, and left in the morning before we woke up. Later in the day my partner asked me whether I would want to go to her place to hang and sleep over. I knew this was going to happen, and I went to write out my reactions beforehand, but I still failed to keep my cool when I was approached with the question.
I got angry at him for not wanting to write his desires out, but there was another Destonian in the room, and we managed to cool things down. And so we left for that place. I took my computer with me, to be able to immediately write out my reactions to my partners interaction with that girl, but when we got there, nothing happened, because she was not there. I had a bit of spiteful backchat, but I stopped it, and we went to sleep.
The next morning he woke me up in such a nice way, that I could not be angry, which is kind of a miracle, because I was always an absolute anti-morning person. My family members used to avoid me in the mornings in fear of having their heads bitten off - a consequence of long-lasting anger at having to get up in the morning and go out into this shitty world to school, and later to work. Usually all my anger gushes up in the mornings, and sometimes it's still hard to deal with it.
So everything was fine, until we started skyping each other during work. One question lead to another, and before I knew it, I was possessed by anger again. I was blaming him for not wanting to write out his desires, and he was blaming me for my reactions. In the end I told him that I will pay rent only after he writes out his desires. "But that's blackmail!" -"Yeah, deal with it."
But when he got home, we both started writing, we went for a walk, we talked, and later we did self forgiveness together on skype, which is awesomely effective. The conflict died. In my relationships this kind of situation would have lead to disaster. The contrast between agreements and relationships is quite profound.
My partner and I have been walking process together for about 4 months, and in that time we have overcome many differences, which would have made my previous relationships crumble like a house of cards. I'm eternally grateful that Desteni exists.