definitions of love

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mask my fear of being alone, fear of not having sex and fear of not having security in the future as love.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the illusion of love in spite of clear evidence that love does not exist in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive love as an individual experience that one should strive towards getting according to the definitions of love I have picked up from the social media.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/validate/confirm love with the physical sexual urges that I have experienced within my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a conglomerate of ideas about love in my head, and with them validate and confirm the existence of love in this world, despite the evidence of its absence  in forms of wars, rapes, violence and general dissociation of the global community towards such atrocities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive my sexual urges towards males as "infatuation", which "comes before actual love".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that infatuation, which is caused by hormones and neurotransmitters in my body, leads to "love", once those hormones stop working, instead of realising that I am putting a nicely ringing name to co-dependence and fear of the future/not having sex/not having security.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define love as something beautiful that just happens to two beings, instead of realising and seeing the preprogramming that exists within the patterns by which I play out my love constructs.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise the fuckup of love in the moment when I asked myself whether love is really supposed to be this hard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define love as something that one must work hard for in order to maintain it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that if I keep my sexual life interesting, that the love will never die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate/connect love with sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in love, despite the evidence of it being able to die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to marry my partner in order for us to promise each other undying love and label it as romantic, instead of realising that if love existed, no promising would actually have to be made.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that the male makes a decision on which female he is going to marry, and then he must ask her with a ring, and the female must wait for a suitable male to ask for her hand in matrimony.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire for a male to romantically ask me to marry him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive marriage as romantic, instead of realising it for the economic-emotional structure that it really is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that a couple who is married must be in love.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that love is the answer to all global and personal problems, instead of realising that love does not exist.