releasing love

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as spiteful, resentful and angry towards the idea of love, because I never considered myself able or capable of achieving what I considered to be perfect love.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/perceive perfect love as a relationship that remains the same at the end as it was in the beginning, instead of realising and understanding from the physical evidence that I have observed in this world, that such love does not exist.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chase the experience of love, which I have conjured up in my head.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the ideas of love that I have conjured up in my head.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed and sad, because I perceived that I wasn't able to achieve the perfect love that I have conjured up in my head.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel incredulous, angry and annoyed, whenever I see people not wanting to understand love like I do, and rather cling on to their illusion and definition of it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of the fact that I was chasing love and wasn't seeing the reality and actuality of it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for having chased the illusion of love instead of realising myself and the self-love I have to give myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that love exists, so that I wouldn't have to take care of myself in absolute self-honesty, but could hide behind that someone I "love" to take care of me and nurture me, instead of me doing it myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend to love my partners, instead of realising and understanding that I am hiding existential fear behind the feeling of love.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become codependent with my "love" partner, and abdicate my self-responsibility to the notion and idea of love, which should be enforced with gestures and touches.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide myself from myself in relationships with other people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire for my partner to be responsible for me and my emotional well being and monetary status in this world, instead of realising the fuckup of love and taking full responsibility towards myself as this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to demand from my partner to make me feel better about myself, because I experienced myself as unable to give to myself what my partner is able to give to me.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that in making my partner responsible for my emotional and monetary well being, I am absolutely abdicating my self-responsibility and power to my partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate myself and give myself worth according to the feedback of my partner to my emotional demands, which were made in absolute abdication of self-responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of not being in an emotional relationship and having to take full responsibility for myself in emotional and monetary terms.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel annoyed about the situation with the illusion of love in the world, instead of realising that the annoyance is coming from a thought pattern that I have yet to untangle.
When and as I see myself becoming emotional/having a reaction towards the idea and illusion of love in this world, I stop, I breathe. I do not allow myself to go into reaction. Instead I look at the point in self-honesty, release it with self-forgiveness and direct myself in common sense towards what is best for all.