The point that is bothering me, in essence, is touch (not necessarily in a sexual way). I've been busy with touch for a while, and I have all sorts of mind definitions and pictures of how nice it feels, so those have got to go. I am missing touch, because I am so separated from myself, that me touching me doesn't do the trick.
Friday, 24 February 2012
Today I realised the point that has been haunting me for two days now. I was absolutely jealous of my friend, who hasn't written out sex to an extent where it can be self-directed, and is therefore still having energetic mind relationships, which he's trying to establish in the physical. I have tried warning him that the physical will be relentless, if he doesn't let go. I was speaking from personal experience, because I've been there. There is fuckedness beyond belief when going against equality and common sense in pursuing energetic sex, that much is true. However, I didn't notice that I am simply terribly jealous of him, because I do not allow myself this kind of behaviour anymore. I went into a sort of 'how dare you still pursue this when even I have come to terms with it' behaviour. 'There's a whole planet suffering, we don't have time for this shit.' My mind is terribly good at manipulating itself, and looking for a back door, through which I could fall again.