Thursday, 23 February 2012

Agreement with myself

Today I had an indiscretion, in which I interfered with the process of other beings. This point has been haunting me since forever and it stops here.

I was basically watching an energetic pattern between two beings play out, and since I am indirectly involved, I decided to expose it mainly due to my own selfishness. I was impatient, and wasn't willing to wait for the pattern to play out on its own, since I have limited time. I was reacting heavily inside, because I knew that I'm dealing with this the wrong way instead of writing it out. The consequence of it is that now one of the participants hates me, and the other one ain't too happy 'bout the situation either. There was a certain unwillingness to face self, and for a moment it made me worried about this whole endeavour that we're undertaking together, therefore I shared a story about me facing myself within my agreement with myself, which is worth sharing here as well:

Last year I had a relationship with a guy in hopes that he will eventually hear desteni and we can turn this into an agreement, but I was lucid enough to see right away that this will not work. I stopped all feely goody feelings and butterflies with self-forgiveness, the relationship fell apart, and I moved on. An agreement with self means that one is willing to face self even when all seems hunky dory, because there is an awareness that things are really not hunky dory on a planetary level.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I must push other beings to face self, instead of realising that it is always about me having to face something within myself.

I explained that I am worried about missing this opportunity to experience ourselves as ourselves instead of holding up an energetic picture of ourselves, and he exposed this as a mindfuck, which it is, because the opportunity is always there, and taken or missed only by ourselves.

1 comment:

  1. Cool Hilda. Bringing it back to self and directing the point. What I find cool and what is also evident in your application, is that the "gaps" between possession and realization gets smaller. So now we simply gotta move ourselves to stop the pattern immediately for example.

    One perspective on your writing: "I was impatient, and wasn't willing to wait for the pattern to play out on its own, since I have limited time."

    Have a look how this sentence is structured, where the last line is placed as blame and justification.

    What I do with such experiences is to write for example "on its own, within perceiving myself has having limited time." - Because then I do not only bring it back to self, but I also get to see that "having limited time" was also a point of reaction, since I reacted to and through it.