Friday, 7 January 2011

Fear of people

I was standing on the bus stop today, and there was a human being next to me. His back was towards me, and it hit me, how we turn away from other people, so we wouldn't have to make eye-contact, because eye-contact is a form of communication.

I looked at people running for the busses, a lot of them together, but separated into their own little worlds inside their heads… some are going home, some are late for class, some are meeting their lovers… and they're all running for the bus. But so separated... it almost hurts. I chuckled, but I noticed myself chuckling from a "poor robots" standpoint, and the next thing I remembered was that I also run for the bus sometimes. I had again allowed myself to judge and opinionate… like a good little robot.

I can't thoroughly remember it, but I know that it's there: the instance, where my mother told me not to talk to strangers. I grew up in a very interesting position. I was told that if I got lost, I was not to talk to strangers, but find a policeman and he'd help me get home. First of all, a policeman is a stranger, but I had to accept him as a more trustworthy stranger than others. Secondly, most any stranger would have done the same thing a policeman would, but just to be sure of those rare cases of child abuse… let's scare the child into thinking that all strangers, except policemen, are evil. So policemen are good, but if I misbehave, they will take me to prison.

How is a child supposed to stay sane in this world? It's not. It's expected to grow up into an insane adult, one that fears other people and is therefore easily controllable.

The fear of people brings along the fear of talking to people, and the fear of being seen a certain way. This renders one limited to one's true potential in bringing about a necessary change. When 6 bio people are in this mindset… we're screwed in separation.

I had realized some time ago that, in order to bring about a change, people need to start talking. But how do we talk, if we by default turn our backs to "strangers", to not have to deal with their presence?

In my experiment I found that young people are much easier to talk to than rigid grownups. I myself have no problems talking to people, once they show interest in talking to me, but approaching them is a little harder.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to fear talking to strangers.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to fear approaching strangers.

I forgive myself that I've allowed myself to be afraid that I'll be seen as a weirdo, if I initiate conversations with strangers.

Strangers are the key. Strangers are the ones that are actual tabulae rasae. They are without opinions, and if approached correctly, can be given the knowledge. The analogy of the movie Lawnmower man comes to mind. One who is ignorant enough to be able to take in massive amounts of knowledge beyond belief without questioning any part of it.

I just realized that wanting to be seen a certain way implies wanting something in return in the future… be it friendship, support, money, attention, sex, time… which is not giving unconditionally.

In order for me to do this, I have to start giving unconditionally, to anyone and everyone. There is no other way out of it. That means printing up a bunch of papers with a short text and Desteni links. It's the only way.

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