Friday, 16 September 2011

bug support with alcohol

Lately I've been having grave difficulties with my so-called friends, who are now doing everything in their power to spite me. They're gossiping about me, and being generally nasty towards me, because now they think that if they say something to my face, then they can say it behind my back as well. I am angry with them for it.

Friends in this world only like you, as long as you support their lies and self-deceptions. Once you stop standing for all that shit - you're pretty much friendless.

I've been getting a new sort of friend, though - bugs. I've been releasing my fears of bugs through self-forgiveness for a while now, and now I almost see them as pets. I'm still afraid of spiders, but I'm pushing myself to release those fears as well.

I've had an interesting experience with a species of bugs, which assisted me in letting go of alcohol.

I was at this "friend's" place, and I had a glass of beer in front of me. There were lots of insects around, and I started interacting with this green species. One of them landed on chips, and I started doing self-forgiveness on bugs on my food. The little insect started cleaning it's antennae in that moment. When I stopped doing self-forgiveness, the insect stopped cleaning itself. When I resumed, the insect resumed cleaning itself as well.

Afterwards it jumped into my glass of water, and stood on the water, utilizing water surface tension. I was amazed and I found it very interesting.
I left the kitchen for a moment, and when I came back, there was one of these green bugs in my beer, drowned, dead. I freaked out, and quickly took it out, but it was too late. There was some residual muscle movement, but the being had already left the physical.

I felt terrible. I put the insects body on a piece of paper to dry, hoping it would fly away when it dries up, hoping that the residual twitching means that it's still alive, but it wasn't.
I got the message loud and clear: "You're killing yourself by drinking alcohol."

I didn't drink alcohol that night anymore, but the next day I went back to that friend, and I had a glass of beer in front of me again. The green bugs were there too.
In a given moment one of them jumped into my beer again, to show me what I'm doing again. I panicked, and took the nearest thing (scissors) to fetch him out of it. I helped him get out, and when he was out, he looked at me intently for a moment, and then he flew away. He showed me that he had perfect control over his body, and the drowning yesterday way done deliberately - to show me what I am doing.

Now that I'm having this awful situation with my friends, I don't hang with them anymore and I don't drink alcohol. I'm realising how it really is just a social lubricant - a tool to enable us to more effectively lie to ourselves and run away from ourselves, abuse ourselves and others without feeling bad about it.

Till here, no further.

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